Saying the Hard Thing: How to Open Up About Mental Health to People Who Might Not Get It
There’s this wall. Not always made of brick, but it might as well be. You’re on one side of it, heavy with a truth you’ve carried too long. On the other side are people you care about—parents, friends, maybe even a partner. You can see them. Hear them. But something’s in the way.
That wall? It’s fear. It’s shame. It’s stigma. It’s every time someone said “stop being dramatic” or “just toughen up.” It’s the echo of well-meaning people who don’t realize their words sting. It’s you, wondering: If I speak, will they still love me? Will they even understand?
Let’s be honest. Saying the hard thing—“I’m struggling,” “I have anxiety,” “I think I need help”—can feel like standing naked in a thunderstorm. Raw. Scary. Exposed.
But it’s also how we heal.
So this one’s for you. The brave soul who’s ready (or almost ready) to speak their truth—even if your voice shakes while you do it.
Part 1: Why It’s So Hard (and Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Let’s start with some radical truth: If this feels hard, that doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means the world hasn’t made it easy.
The Legacy of Stigma
Mental health has been misunderstood for generations. Maybe your parents were raised to believe that crying was weakness, therapy was taboo, and “just deal with it” was solid advice. They weren’t given the tools. They were told to survive, not heal.
Now here you are—bleeding out in a world that told them to suck it up.
That’s not your fault. But it is your burden. And that’s why this is brave.
Generational Gaps
Let’s be real: boomers and Gen Z are sometimes operating on entirely different operating systems. You say “I’m burnt out,” they hear “lazy.” You say “panic attack,” they hear “overreaction.”
It’s not that they don’t care. It’s that they may not know how to care in the way you need.
You’re not broken—you’re just speaking a language they were never taught.
Part 2: Before You Speak
Before you drop the mental health bombshell over brunch, take a moment to center yourself. Your truth is sacred, and it deserves a little prep.
Get Clear on Your Why
Ask yourself:
- What do I want them to understand?
- Am I asking for support, or just to be heard?
- Do I need them to do something, or just know something?
Knowing your “why” makes it easier to stay grounded when emotions flare.
Prepare for Discomfort
These convos are rarely smooth. People fumble. Deflect. Say dumb stuff. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth saying.
Reality check: You might not get the response you want—but your truth is still valid.
Remember: Their Reaction Isn’t a Reflection of Your Worth
Sometimes people panic because they care but don’t know what to do. Sometimes they minimize because they’re scared. Sometimes they just miss the mark entirely.
That’s on them, not you.
Part 3: Finding the Words
Okay, let’s talk scripts. Not because you have to follow them word-for-word, but because sometimes it helps to have a place to start.
How to Start the Conversation
For Parents:
“There’s something I’ve been carrying, and I want to share it with you—not to scare you, but because I don’t want to carry it alone anymore.”
For Friends:
“Hey, can I be honest about something I’ve been struggling with? I don’t need fixing—just a little space to be real.”
For Partners:
“I want to let you in on something important. It’s not easy for me to talk about, but I trust you.”
For Coworkers or Professors (if needed):
“I’m navigating some mental health challenges right now. I’m doing what I can to manage, but I appreciate any understanding.”
How to Ask for What You Need
“I don’t need advice—I just want someone to hear me.”
“Can you check in on me sometimes, even if I say I’m fine?”
“I’m not looking for a solution—just some compassion.”
Asking clearly helps others show up better.
Part 4: If It Goes Badly
Let’s not sugarcoat it. Sometimes the people you love will disappoint you.
When They Invalidate You
They might say:
- “Everyone feels like that.”
- “You just need to be more positive.”
- “Back in my day, we didn’t talk about this stuff.”
Take a breath. Remember: they’re reacting from their experience—not yours. That doesn’t make their reaction okay. But it explains it.
You’re allowed to be hurt. And you’re allowed to protect your peace.
What to Do with Hurt Feelings
Journal it. Scream into a pillow. Talk to someone who gets it. Let the grief move through you—but don’t let it harden you.
Just because they didn’t see you doesn’t mean you’re invisible.
Setting Boundaries
If someone continues to shame, dismiss, or gaslight you, it’s okay to draw a line.
“I’m not going to keep sharing if you’re going to minimize what I’m going through.”
“This topic matters to me. If you can’t engage respectfully, I’ll have to step away.”
Boundaries aren’t cruelty—they’re clarity.
Part 5: If It Goes Well
Sometimes… it goes okay. Or even beautifully.
They listen. They ask questions. They say, “Thank you for trusting me.”
That kind of moment? It’s healing.
Let Connection Be Enough
Even if they don’t fully understand, showing up matters. Give yourself permission to receive their care—imperfect as it may be.
Healing isn’t a straight line. Sometimes it starts with, “I had no idea. But I’m here now.”
What Support Looks Like
Support doesn’t have to mean fixing you. It can look like:
- Checking in after tough days
- Saying “I love you” without trying to problem-solve
- Sending a funny meme because they know laughter helps
- Learning more about mental health because you matter to them
Let people surprise you.
Final Words: You’re Brave as Hell
Saying the hard thing? That’s not weakness. That’s rebellion. That’s love. That’s you choosing honesty in a world that keeps begging you to smile and stay quiet.
You’re not broken for needing help.
You’re not dramatic for feeling deeply.
You’re not a burden for wanting to be understood.
You’re a human being—with a tender, fierce, resilient heart—and you deserve to be held in your truth.
If they don’t get it yet, that’s okay.
You still matter.
And you always will.
With honesty and hope,
The Undelulu Team
You got this.— The Undelulu Team (and we actually mean it)