The GAD paradox: Why trying to control everything makes you feel more out of control

# The Control Trap: Why GAD's Solution Makes Things Worse GAD sells you a lie: "If you just control everything perfectly, you'll finally feel safe." But the more you try to control, the more anxious you become. It's like trying to hold water in your hands - the tighter you squeeze, the more slips through your fingers. ## The GAD Control Playbook **Step 1:** Notice something uncertain or potentially problematic **Step 2:** Try to plan/research/prepare your way to certainty **Step 3:** Discover more variables you can't control **Step 4:** Increase planning/research/preparation efforts **Step 5:** Repeat until exhausted and more anxious than when you started ## What GAD Considers "Controllable" - Other people's thoughts and feelings about you - Future outcomes that depend on multiple variables - Natural disasters, traffic, weather, and global events - Your partner's mood, your boss's decisions, your friend's responses - Whether people will like your social media posts - What strangers think about your appearance ## The Illusion of Control vs. Actual Control **What you actually control:** - Your responses to situations - How you treat others - Your daily habits and routines - What you consume (media, food, relationships) - How you spend your time and energy - Whether you seek help when you need it **What GAD thinks you control:** - Everything else ## Why the Control Strategy Backfires ### It Creates More Problems to Solve - Research one thing, discover five more potential issues - Plan for one scenario, realize there are 47 other possibilities - Control one variable, notice 12 others you hadn't considered ### It Shrinks Your World - Avoiding situations that feel unpredictable - Only doing things you're 100% certain will go well - Missing opportunities because they're not guaranteed - Living in smaller and smaller comfort zones ### It Exhausts Your Mental Resources - Constant vigilance is mentally draining - Decision fatigue from overanalyzing everything - No mental energy left for enjoying life - Burnout from being your own security system 24/7 ## The Alternative Approach: Influence vs. Control Instead of control, focus on influence: - **Prepare reasonably** without over-preparing - **Make good decisions** with incomplete information - **Respond thoughtfully** to what actually happens - **Build resilience** for handling uncertainty ## Breaking the Control Addiction 1. **Notice the pattern:** "Am I trying to control or influence this situation?" 2. **Set limits:** "I'll spend X minutes planning, then take action" 3. **Practice uncertainty tolerance:** Start with low-stakes situations 4. **Focus on your circle of influence:** What can you actually impact? 5. **Celebrate flexibility:** Notice when you handle unexpected changes well ## The Freedom in Letting Go When you stop trying to control everything: - You have more energy for what actually matters - You become more adaptable and resilient - You can enjoy spontaneity and surprises - Your relationships become less tense - You discover you're more capable than you thought *btw - letting go of control doesn't mean becoming passive or careless. It means choosing your battles wisely and trusting your ability to handle whatever comes up.*